Green, pink and yellow..

One day in a language school in Australia.

Teacher: “All right, now I’d like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who’d like to try?”

A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.

Kukoya: “Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me.”

Teacher: “Not bad. Okay, who’s next?”

Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore.

Ah Beng: “I try! I try. Can aaah?”

Teacher: “No, no, not you!”

Ah Beng: “Aaaiiyaaa… let me try lah… I can do lah… you think I’m stupid meeh…?”

Teacher: “Okay… go ahead…”

Ah Beng: “This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN… GREEEEEN… I PINK up and I said: YELLOOOOW?”

Two priests go to Hawaii on vacation.....

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them
as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed
for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts,
shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.



The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs,



enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini
came walking straight towards them..
They couldn't help but stare.



As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by. They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store
and bought even more outrageous outfits.



These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said



'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'
and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied,



'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.

Cups of Tea ..

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favourite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach water is the toilet?

Father and Son

An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:








Dear Dad

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really

like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive

at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB

when all my teachers and many fellow students

travel by train.


Your son, Nasser

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail

from his dad:


My dear loving son

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred

to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.

Go and get yourself a train too.




Love, your Dad

Marriage Humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

-------------------------------


Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears...'



Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------

Stress Reliever



Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

------------------------------

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing..'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'






Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the Head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Meaning of color and your Birthday

Don't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth . It's pretty good . Write your answers on a piece of paper,
and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom .


1 . Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?

2 . Your first initial?

3 . Your month of birth?

4 . Which color do you like more, black or white?

5 .. Name of a person of the same sex as yours .

6 . Your favorite number?

7 . Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8 . Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9 Write down a wish (a realistic one) .


When you ' re done, scroll down . (Don't cheat!)














Answers

1 . If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love .
Black - You are conservative and aggressive .
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back .
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love .
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down

2 . If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life .
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom .
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good .

3 . If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected .
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever .
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good .
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate .

4 . If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change .
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it .

5 . This person is your best friend .

6 . This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime .

7 . If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person .

8. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved .
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people .

Flags

Italy




Greek




India




Japan




Brazil




Switzerland




France




Vietnam




China




Indonesia




Australia




Korea




Lebanon

21 st Century....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our dress - Topless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless




Our Job – Thankless



Our Boss - Brainless



Our Salary - Very less
Our emails - useless!!!

Ha Ha .. Can't Pay

A Chinese man and an English man were dining in a restaurant.

The Chinese man lifted his glass up and made a toast to the English man, “Gan Bei” (Cheers).

The English man was confused but he continued eating.

This happened a few times and whenever the Chinese man wanted to drink he would always say “Gan Bei”

The English man only nodded and silently continued to drink and eat.
Not long after, the Chinese man once again said, “Gan Bei” whilst lifting up his glass.




This time, the English man put down his cutlery and angrily said to the Chinese man,

"It’s all right if you CAN’T PAY!” I'll pay! So just shut up”.

One Big Wish

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. Me next! Menext!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

the Break Up

Do U know....??? ??

1. Look at ur zipper.. YKK isnt it? its an abbreviation of Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the biggest zipper company in the world.

2. The sound "kwack..kwack..kwack." of a duck gak akan menggema baik di gua, lembah, dll.. en sejauh ini belum ada penjelasan dari para ilmuwan.

3. 40% profit of McD comes from selling Happy Meals.

4. Averagely, 12 babies born everyday, is given to wrong parents.

5. The original chocolate (from the dried choco fruit)can kill a dog, attacking its heart and neural system. Dosage needed is 5 ounce for little dog/poodle.

6. Most well-known lipsticks use fish scale as its material.

7. In 1830, soyasauce were sold as medicine.

8. Leonardo Da Vinci could write while his other hand paint in the same time.

9. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.

10. Leonardo Da Vinci painted Mona Lisa for 10 years.

11. There is no clock or table clock in all casinos in Vegas.

12. Bruce Lee fights too fast in his scenes, so the crew had to edit his film to make it looks slower and normal.

13. The first product using bar-code is Wrigley's bubblegum.

14. The first owner of Malboro died because of lung cancer. (see?)

15. Michael Jordan's income from Nike is alot more than the salary for its whole workers in Malaysia.

16. Adolf Hitler's mom wanted to do abortion.. but a doctor saved him. If only....

17. The most frequently used name is Muhammad.

19. Rubber bracelet will be stronger if put into the fridge first.

20. In English the word "dreamt" is the only word that ends with - mt.

21. It's impossible to sneeze and open up ur eyes. Just try it!

22. Cockcroaches cant live to 10 days without its head.

23. The brain works harder when sleeping than watching tv.

24. 80% of American citizens like the color blue.

25. The number of chickens is more than human in this world.

26. Ur not permitted to have dog pet in Islandia.

27. In Washington DC, there is more phone lines than residents.

28. the average time needed from closing our eyes to sleeping is 7 minutes.

29. Info served like this makes people not paying attention to its number order. Very few realize there is no 18 here.

30. Finally, almost all that read this article try to make sure that no 18 really doesnt exist. :D

Couples Daily Decisions

Relax

Nice Joke, good for time passing.. :D

BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.



GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...





GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??



GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple





GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??



BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??



BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??





SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.



WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.



MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly. What do u think Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".





Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".





Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".





Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"





My father is so old that when he was in school,

history was called current affairs.





Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".





Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".





Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".





Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".





Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".





Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."





Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

An Interesting Observation

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.


2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING


3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.


4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.


5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

and........


6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.



THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:


The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Little bObby

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a
troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

**************

Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,

So he tore up the letter and started over.

**************

Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like

A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.


**************

Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.


Bobby

**************

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

**************

Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,


Bobby


**************


Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.


**************



Letter 5


God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Pictures U Cant't Mizz

Superheroes....