Husband & Wife

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last
straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; we don't have anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!




Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad
that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say
something nice, I didn't comment . And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because
the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.